I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize
