he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
