That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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