Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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