Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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