you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
