i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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