I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
