you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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