i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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