My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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