I CAN MOONWALK!
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
