haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
