Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
