who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
