I accidentally had phone sex last night
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
