Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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