And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
