Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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