I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
