She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
