just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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