Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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