you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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