so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We left an ass print on the piano.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
