Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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