seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
