just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
