I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm both gender and math confused
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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