Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
