So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
