so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
