my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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