Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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