i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
