I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i think im in europe. pls send help
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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