I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
