Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
