The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
