She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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