Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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