Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
