It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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