There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
