so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
