She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
