There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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