Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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