if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
i think im in europe. pls send help
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
