haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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